Things money can't buy

It can buy a house, but not a home.


It can buy a bed, but not sleep.


It can buy a clock, but not time.


It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.


It can buy you a position, but not respect.


It can buy you medicine, but not health.


It can buy you blood, but not life.

rahul's picture

U don't always see, what U think U see

First Save the file in your computer by right clicking on the picture and then follow the instructions.


If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot,
you will only see one color, pink.
If you stare at the black + in the center, the moving dot turns to green.

Now, concentrate on the black + in the center of the picture.
After a short period of time, all the pink dots will slowly disappear, and
you will only see a green dot rotating if you're lucky!

It's amazing how our brain works. There really is no green dot, and the pink ones really don't disappear.
This should be proof enough, we don't always see what we think we see.

There is S/thing About Wives

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Jokes: Cyanide & Others...

Cyanide Please!

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife, and handed it to the pharmacist.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription!"


--------------------------------------------------

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that." the husband said.
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

------------------------------------------

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

-----------------------------------------

After waking up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

Casual-Dress Day

A company decides to adopt the Fridays as casual day and they issued a memo to all departments intimating the same.

Week 1
memo 1: Effective from this week, The Company is adopting fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3

memo 2: spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for casual day.

Week 6

memo 3: casual day refers to dress only, not attitude.

Week 8

memo 4: a seminar on how to dress for casual day will be held at 4 p.m. friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9

memo 5: as an outgrowth of friday's seminar, a 14-member casual day task force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14

memo 6: the casual day task force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "relaxing dress without relaxing company standards." a copy has been distributed to every employee.

Week 18

memo 7: company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to casual day.

Week 20

memo 8: we are no longer able to effectively support or manage casual day.
Casual day is discontinued.

Little Joke on British Air Force

While stationed with the British Air Force, I found a memo typed on official letterhead. At the bottom of the letterhead was our motto: "Peace is our profession."

Beneath that, someone had added, "Bombing is only a hobby."

This is marketing!!!

# You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing.

# You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him." That's Advertising.

# You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." That's Telemarketing.

# You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback.

Computer: male or Female?

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.''''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?''

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The men's group decided that ''computer'' should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computer''), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (''el computer''), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on and order them;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Some Stress Relievers!!!

Reliever # 1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see,how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 4

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 5

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
_____________________________________________________

Reliever # 6

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 7

A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"

He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 8

Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?"

Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"
_______________________________________________________

Reliever # 9

"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?"

Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."
_______________________________________________________

Reliever # 10

Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted!
Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?"

Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."

Just Kidding (Inspired by Kaun B Crorepati)

Yeh hai Mr Vijay Nazaare

IT -ki duniya ke ubharte sitare

Life mein bahot sikhi thi Java

Waited for the good project, par lagi na hawa

Inke na koi, project me tha naam

ek project mein aaye,toh mila defect fixing ka kaam

cubical mein baith ke dekhi thi teammates ki Onsite ki raah

Inke bhi dil mein kuch aisi hi thi chaah

One day while doing code ka jhadoo pochha

PM ne pucha, "Kabhi onsite Co-ordinator banne ka socha!"

Bas onsite jaaneka sunke, isne khaya bada carrot

1 saal rukne ke baad laga, bahot bada hua parrot

Bahot ho gaya kahke chodi hai isne umeed ki dori

Switch the job is the moral of the story

Jisne nahin seekha inse, life mein kaam na karna jyada

<<your company name>> mein milega bhaiyya, umeed se AADHAA

Intrguing Equations!!:

........... = 11 dots

Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.

Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in a Hindi movie.

Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol

Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.

Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan

Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt

1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One sooraj Barjataya Film

.... This one is the best of all..........

Software Engg (or) Process Executives + No Work = Forwards;


So Forward this!! .............

Silly, but really meaningful...

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love." This was how I saw it:

As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it find. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you. For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there is people you love, allow them to be free beings.

Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring." Passing thought... My friend, Care for your love, as he/she is your life partner and especially a human being, Don't treat them like an asset as what to do & what not to do. Instead make them understand what’s good and what’s bad for them and make them realize the facts. Enjoy your love and make them feel special about you.

Proverbs Unleashed!!!

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
THAT'S Relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that
nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. If we don’t,
how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
-Jean Cocturan

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when ......................
he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it as creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, they didn't know where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Don’t worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia.

"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
--Albert Einstein

PREMJI's 10 Golden Rules to Success:

1. Dare to dream: People wonder if having unrealistic dreams is foolish.
My reply: dreams can never be realistic of safe. If they were, they would not be dreams. But one must have strategies to execute dreams and slog to transform them into reality.

2. Define what you stand for as early as possible and do not compromise for any reason. You can't enjoy the fruits of success if you have to argue with your own conscience.

3. Never lose your zest and curiosity for learning. I personally spend at least ten hours a week on reading, or I find myself quickly outdated.

4. Always strive for excellence. In the world of tomorrow, and with globalization, just being good is not good enough.

5. Build self-confidence. Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

6. Learn to work in teams. The challenges ahead are so complex that no individual will be able to face them alone.

7. Take care of yourself. The stress a young person faces today while beginning his career is the same as what the last generation faced at the time of retirement. Along with alertness, physical fitness is important. I jog daily.

8. Persevere. It can make miracle happen.

9. Have a broader social vision. While earning is important, we must use it for the larger good of our society.

10. Never let success go to your head, for whatever you achieve is with the help of other factors and people, outside us. The moment we become arrogant, we become vulnerable to making judgment.

The Laughter for Today...

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.

Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

1. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."

2. The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!"

3. The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

4. The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time?"

To make our Life 100% successful

A small truth to make our Life 100% successful..........

If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is equal to
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
L+O+V+E=12+15+22+5=54%
L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 = 47%
(None of them makes 100%)
...............................
Then what makes 100% ?

Is it Money? ..... No!!!!!
Leadership? ...... NO!!!!

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our "ATTITUDE".
It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes our Life 100% Successful..
A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

Does that make sense????

5 common Laws!

1. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

2. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

3. Bath Theorem: When the body becomes wet with water, the telephone rings.

4Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know, increases when you're with someone you don't want to be seen with.

5. LAW of Tea/Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot tea/coffee, your boss'll ask you to do something which will last until the tea/coffee is cold.

5 Brain Teasers for you......(Answers included)

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.
Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?

3. What is Black when you buy it, Red when you use it, and Gray when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious- how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain. You would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!


ANSWERS:

1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are
dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of
her husband, developed it and hung it up to dry.

3. Charcoal

4. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

5. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in
the English language, is not included anywhere in the paragraph.


SO HOW DID YOU DO?

A moral joke

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. However, the cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asks her, "Jen is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" asked his wife.

Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach home!!!

Moral: How much ever we dislike somebody; someday we might need their assistance.

Little Joke: IT Professionals

In a good old barber shop in Dhaka, One day a florist(flower seller) goes to the barber for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and then barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

An IT professsional goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he
finds there is......




.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.


A Dozen IT professsionals waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts of forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut.

Friendship Day Special

The "CTRL + ALT + DEL" combination inventor

Have you ever thought of the person who invented "CTRL + ALT + DEL" key combination. "David Bradley" -- He is the One who spent 1 minute and 23 seconds in writing the source code that rescues the world's PC users for decades This extraordinary IBM employee is retiring on Friday after a prolong service of 29 years.

His formula forces obstinate computers to restart when they no longer follow other commands. By 1980, Bradley was one of 12 people working to create the debut. The engineers knew they had to design a simple way to restart the computer when it fails to respond the user Bradley wrote the code to make it work. Bradley says. "I did a lot of other things than Ctrl-Alt-Delete, but I'm famous for that one." His fame and success is achieved each time a PC user fails.

He Commented His relationship with Bill gates by saying "I may have invented it, but Bill gates made it famous by applying my formula whenever any Microsoft's Windows operating system made by him CRASHES, thus I win when ever he loses". We salute the best IBM Brain.

Search anything for free in Bangladesh:

Click here and just see the my search page

Jokes--A Test of Morals

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please read slowly and give due consideration to each line: 

      You are in Florida --Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster and trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury. 
Suddenly, you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer ... and discover that somehow, the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's George W. Bush! At the same time, you notice that the raging waters are about to pull him under.
You have two options:
1. You can save the life of G.W. Bush, or
2. You can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.
So here's the question, and please give an honest answer: 


Would you select high-contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

Eminent Chanakya quotes

The following quotes are taken from Eminent and reknown Indian politician, teacher, strategist and writer, Chanakya's (350 BC-275 BC) book --

"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and
Honest people are screwed first."

"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."

"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody.
One day it will destroy you."

"There is some self-interest behind every friendship.
There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."

"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions -
Why am I doing it?
What the results might be? and
Will I be successful?
Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go
ahead."

"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."


"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."


"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."

"Whores don't live in company of poor men, citizens never support a weak company and birds don't build nests on a tree that doesn't bear fruits."

"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple."

"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."

"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children will become your best friends."

"Books are as useful to a stupid person, as
a mirror is useful to a blind person."

"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth."

A Software Engg.'s wedding invitation

A story - Meaning of Value

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a taka 500 note.
In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this taka 500 note?".
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you but
first let me do this".

He proceeded to crumple the note up.He then asked, "Who still wants it?".
Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?". And
he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up,now all crumpled and dirty.
"Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because
it did not decrease in value. It was still worth taka 500/-.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled,And ground into the dirt by
the decisions we make and the Circumstances that come our Way.
We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or what will happen,
You will never lose Your value.
You are special and don’t ever forget it!
Never let yesterday's Disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams.
"VALUE HAS A VALUE ONLY IF ITS VALUE IS VALUED BY YOU"

A Person is Happy As Long As He Choose To Be Happy.
so take care

I'm at office
posted by Ripan

Funny SMS, send it to others

There are Two Types: Goodies & Naughties
--------------------------------------------------------

Devdas ke baap ne kaha GHAR chod do,
Maa ne kaha PARO chod do,
Paro ne kaha DARU chod do,
Magar aap se kisne kaha SMS karna chod do?.............
******************************************************************************
Tomakei Khujchi Bangladesh

PM Khaleda Zia ko 500 Black Bengal Goat ki zarurat hai.
Jo Thailand-ke PM ko Gift de sakein.
499 goats jama ho gaye hain,
message padhte hi foran ghar se nikle PM ke Office mein Aa Jao.
*****************************************************************************

Yaad hai, hum kahan mile the bus stop pe,
Meri car aakar ruki, maine window nechei ki,
Hamari nazron se nazrein mili,
aur tumne kaha:
"Allah ke nam pe ek rupey de do baba"
*****************************************************************************

A psychological research has proved it that all the dumb, stupid and
fools use their thumb to read messages.
Don't change it now. Its too late.
*****************************************************************************

Not every flower can express love but rose did it,
Not every tree can stand thrust but Cactus did it,
Not every monkey can use mobile but you did it.
congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
******************************************************************************
If you find yourself in a dark room where
the walls shaken and blood comes from everywhere
Don’t be afraid,
you are in a safe place.
You are in my heart.
******************************************************************************

Tum hamesha muskrate raho...........................
Tum hamesha muskrate raho..........................
Tum hamesha muskrati raho........................
Tum hamesha muskrati raho.........................
mera kia jayega, sab log tumko hi paagal kahen jaaey!!!!!!!!!!!
******************************************************************************

Ek son ne apne father se kaha "papa mujko bander dekhna hai abhi!"
Father ne kaha "nahi tum usku abhi nahi dekh sakte."
Son ne kaha "aisa kiun?"
Father ne kaha "Beta bander abhi SMS padhne mein busy hai."
******************************************************************************

pata hai..............
pata hai..........
pata hai...........
pata hai..............
SunSilk Mini 2 taka ka ho gaya Hai!
******************************************************************************

Jab tum hansti ho, To lagta hai insan pehle bander tha,
Dekho gussa maat hona, kiun ke,
jab tum gussa hoti ho, tu lagta hai insaan aaj bhi bander hai!!!!!!!!!
******************************************************************************

Mausam hai suhana ............
aise main dil bhi deewana....
aise main tum........
aise main tum.......
tum........
tum.........
han tum...........
tum............
Lux - - soap se do bar nahana
******************************************************************************

If you save this message it means I am cute,
if you edit this, it means I am still cute,
if you forward this message, it means
it means you are spreading that I am cute,
if you delete this message it means that you are jealous because
I am cute!!!!!!!!!
******************************************************************************

When all the seas become dry, and
all the birds leave the sky and
all of your friends say good bye; then
no need 2 fear Bcoz
I will b there.
******************************************************************************

Thiz cat, iz cat ,a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat,
idiot cat, busy cat, 4 cat, 20 cat, seconds cat.
Got confused with all these cats?
Just Read the line without the word “cat”
******************************************************************************

Its a nice feeling when you know that
Some1 loves you, some1 misses you
some1 needs you,
but it feels much better when you know that
Some1 never ever forgets you
thats
ME!!!!!!
******************************************************************************

Agar aap ek andherey kamrey mein hon............
kamra baand ho ...............
darwaze pe kundi lagi ho
khidkian bhi bund hon................................
aur koi aap ki neck pe kiss kare to samajh le
ke woh ek
............
...................
MACHAR (Mosquito) hai
ha! ha! ha!
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Jokes- Love Ur Boss

In Memory of all those who love their boss !
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A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss."I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open.

Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bush land around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30-35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35-40, a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40-50, she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50-60, she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60-70, a woman is like England or Mongolia. A glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan or Pakistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

A true Story from Associated Press(AP), Reported by Kurt Westervelt

Suicide or Murder???

On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency.

As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

"Ordinarily," Dr Mills continued, "A person who setsout to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide."

That Mr Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.

In the room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr Opus.

When one intends to kill subject "A" but kills subject "B" in the attempt,one is guilty of the murder of subject "B."

When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant and both said that they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, if the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the gun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger.

The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of
Ronald Opus. Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that
the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself, so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
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Life is what happens to you when you are BUSY planning OTHER things!!!

Woman ... ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

An woman

An angel of truth & dream of fiction,
a woman is a bundle of all contradiction

She is afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
but will tackle her hubby alone in the house

She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse,
She'll break open his head & then be his nurse

Beautiful,keensighted & blind,
crafty & cruel, simple & kind

She'll call him a king then make him a clown,
raise him on a pedestal, then flat down.

She inspires him to deeds that enable a man or,
make him a lackey to carry her fan

She'll run away from him and never come back,
but if he runs away, she'll be on his track.

You fancy she's this but she's that,
She plays like a kitten but bites like a cat.

In the morning she'll sing, in the evening she'll not,
she always does the contrary to what she ought.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as rose,
kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose.

She'll win you in rags, enchant you in skills,
she is stronger than brandy but milder than milk.

In fact revengeful,merry & sad,
hates you like poison but loves you like mad!!!

Some Naughty Jokes

Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui... Biwi ghar main aayi... ghar SWARG ban gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI...

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They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense

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its difficult 2 understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!

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It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle Million soldiers 2 protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman 2 make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI

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After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st patient eyes, tongue & ears by TORCh & finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI

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What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

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Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!

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It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

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A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

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Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

A Fact for Americans

Speech by Thomas Friedman of The New York Times....

"When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat our
vegetables at dinner and not leave them.
Mothers said, 'think of the starving children in Bangladesh and finish the dinner.'
And now I tell my children: 'Finish your maths homework. Think of the children in Bangladesh who would make you starve, if you don't.'"

GUESS WHO IS IN THE PICTURE

Guess Who is she?
posted by Ripan

Someone says:

She is Reese Witherspoon
Acted in Cruel Intentions !

GUESS WHO IS IN THE PICTURE ?????????????

A) KATE WINSLET AT 21
B) NICOLE KIDMAN AT 21
B) JULIA ROBERTS AT 21
C) None of the above
scroll down for answer
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AND THE CORRECT ANSWER IS,

D) SHE IS SONIA GANDHI AT 21.

So Say "Happy birthday" when Lion attacks

Just watch
posted by Ripan

Aesa Apna Husband Ho... (For Gals)

Aesa Apna Husband Ho...
6" feet jiss ki height ho,
Jeans dheeli magar body tight ho,
Biwi ka her nakhra uthaye, itna mizaj us ka light ho,
Husband apna aesa bright ho...

Uff tak na karay itna quite ho,
Dinner main us ka jawab na ho,
Romantic night ho,
Shopping kar kay jab bhi aoon,
Bolay "darling, tum kitni nice ho",
Husband apna aesa bright ho...

Mujhay rani bana kar rakhay,
Tau phir zindagi delight ho,
Saas susar kay samnay kahay,
Jaan tum hamesha right ho,
Hamesha jo haar maan jaye,
Jab bhi kabhi fight ho,
Jahan chahay jaaon, Jo chahay karoon,
Kuch is tarah ki life ho,
Her doosray week ghoomnay phirnay ki flight ho,
Aisa hojaye tau main uroon asman pay jaise kite ho,
Husband apna aesa bright ho...

Think What Can Happen Next???

posted by Ripan

Q&A about The All Indian Dada -"Sourav Ganuly"

Q. What's Rahul Dravid's latest statement about Dada?
A. "In the pavilion, first there's God and then there's Dada".

Q. What's Dada's favorite Engilsh movie?
A. Gone in 60 Seconds

Q. Whats Dada's favorite hindi movie?
A. AA Aab laut chalen.

Q. Whats Dada's favorite song?
A. Ek pal ka Jeena ?? Phir to hai jana (Kaho na pyar hai)

Q. Whats Dada's favorite food?
A. Maggie (offcourse?. He puts Maggie noodles in a pan before going to bat and he comes back just in time when it is ready)

Q. Dada teaching his daughter ABC?.
A A for Awkward bounce, B for Bowled, C for caught, D for Dadagiri ???.

Q. what is the similarity between 100 m race and Dada's innings?
A. Both take same time to complete.

Q. Easiest way to get Dada out?
A. just bowl to him ?. He will get out anyway.

Q. How can Dada score century in cricket?
A. By bowling 10 overs??.. he will give away 100 runs

Q. Which is the best team in the world?
A. India offcourse?? plays with 10 people ( dada cant bat, bowl or field) and still wins sometimes.

Q. What shud Dada do after retirement?
A. Become catching coach ?.. he offers best catches in the game of cricket.

Q. Why did Dada decide to donate his Bat?
A. He doesn't use it anyways.

Q. Who can beat Dada's record of 2 min at crease?
A. Dada himself if he can improve his running speed.

WORDS WOMEN OFTEN USE

The Words:

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.


Send this to the friends(only men) you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!

JOKES

Subject: Ouch!

"Ouch! It's too tight."

"Don't worry,sweetheart ! we'll try to do it slowly.Push it in ."

"Aah! I can't. It's painful."

"Ok,sweetheart, Let's get another..... WEDDING RING"

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1. Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?" "Sure "Give me a green one, please

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2. Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.He
promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, and ADDRESS etc.Then he came to the column "Salary Expected:" He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes

Where is GOD?

Hi Friends,

      This is pretty unique - don't ask me how they do it.

      Place your mouse on the X below and drag to the O.

      XEven though you can't see Him, GOD is there!O

      So keep faith on him and

      just wait and watch what he does for you.

Bye
Ripan

Some Jokes

What are the three fastest ways of communication?

1. Telephone
2. Television
3. Tell-a-woman.

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Duniya mein bewafaon ki kami nahin hai.

Ab suraj ko hi dekh lo-

Aata hai Usha ke saath,

Rehta hai Kiran ke saath,

Aur jaata hai Sandhya ke saath!

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A mad dog is chasing a sardar. The sardar laughs while running. Know why?

He says mera to Airtel hai phir bhi Hutch ka network follow kar raha hai.

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A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for ho gaya na pet kharab khake itne apple.

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The positive thinking poem

Little birdy in the sky,
You look up and it shits in your eye.
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't fly.

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Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee
Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu?

Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

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Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends.

I am Sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my kidney.

***************************8

Sardar 2 Salesman, I Need Pink curtains for my computer.

Salesman Sardarji Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.

Sardarji: Oye i have windows installed.

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What do u call a fat woman waiting?

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Moti-vaiting. (fat girl waiting)

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Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!

Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!



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What is the similarity between Mobile & Marriage?

Thode Din Aur Ruk Jata To Thoda Acha Model Mil Jaata!!1

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Why does sardarji open his lunch box while Walking on the road?

To Check if he is going to wor k or Coming Back.

20 CHINESE GOOD LUCK TANTRA

You may not believe in this but the advice is great! Read all the way down, you might learn something!!!
ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR.
When you say, "I love you", mean it.
FIVE.
When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.
In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling.
ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY ONE.
Spend some time alone.
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Please comment on the post

Leave Letters.....2 Gud

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of Bangladesh & India...

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

2. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

3. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

4. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

5. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

6. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

7. Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
8. From H.A.L. Administration dept: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for
it, please grant me 10 days leave.
9. Actual letter written for application of leave:"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
10. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
11. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
12. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

13: A candidate's application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both ! for the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the post
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Runa's Wedding (Actually Gaa-ye Halood) held in last month
posted by Ripan

Runa's Wedding (Actually Gaa-ye Halood)
posted by Ripan

To Be a Successful Professional

The degree of your success at a meeting will be determined somewhere in the first 30 seconds of your meeting.

A study by UCLA found that "people evaluate one another using the Three V's:
visual (appearance),
vocal (voice) and
verbal (what you say)."
That means that, while you may be able to spout out 1001 reasons as to why you're the right candidate for their "business needs," there's a lot more that goes into winning someone over.

Hence, presentation is key; even though it may taste great, you wouldn't eat something that looked like slop on a plate. The same holds true for business settings.

So now that you're ready to start wowing people, let's see if your Three V's are intact.

ButterBoyz
posted by Ripan