There is S/thing About Wives

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Jokes: Cyanide & Others...

Cyanide Please!

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife, and handed it to the pharmacist.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription!"


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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that." the husband said.
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

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To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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After waking up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

Casual-Dress Day

A company decides to adopt the Fridays as casual day and they issued a memo to all departments intimating the same.

Week 1
memo 1: Effective from this week, The Company is adopting fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3

memo 2: spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for casual day.

Week 6

memo 3: casual day refers to dress only, not attitude.

Week 8

memo 4: a seminar on how to dress for casual day will be held at 4 p.m. friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9

memo 5: as an outgrowth of friday's seminar, a 14-member casual day task force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14

memo 6: the casual day task force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "relaxing dress without relaxing company standards." a copy has been distributed to every employee.

Week 18

memo 7: company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to casual day.

Week 20

memo 8: we are no longer able to effectively support or manage casual day.
Casual day is discontinued.

Little Joke on British Air Force

While stationed with the British Air Force, I found a memo typed on official letterhead. At the bottom of the letterhead was our motto: "Peace is our profession."

Beneath that, someone had added, "Bombing is only a hobby."

This is marketing!!!

# You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing.

# You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him." That's Advertising.

# You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." That's Telemarketing.

# You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback.