Casual-Dress Day

A company decides to adopt the Fridays as casual day and they issued a memo to all departments intimating the same.

Week 1
memo 1: Effective from this week, The Company is adopting fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3

memo 2: spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for casual day.

Week 6

memo 3: casual day refers to dress only, not attitude.

Week 8

memo 4: a seminar on how to dress for casual day will be held at 4 p.m. friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9

memo 5: as an outgrowth of friday's seminar, a 14-member casual day task force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14

memo 6: the casual day task force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "relaxing dress without relaxing company standards." a copy has been distributed to every employee.

Week 18

memo 7: company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to casual day.

Week 20

memo 8: we are no longer able to effectively support or manage casual day.
Casual day is discontinued.

Little Joke on British Air Force

While stationed with the British Air Force, I found a memo typed on official letterhead. At the bottom of the letterhead was our motto: "Peace is our profession."

Beneath that, someone had added, "Bombing is only a hobby."

This is marketing!!!

# You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing.

# You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him." That's Advertising.

# You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." That's Telemarketing.

# You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback.

Computer: male or Female?

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.''''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?''

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The men's group decided that ''computer'' should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computer''), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (''el computer''), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on and order them;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Some Stress Relievers!!!

Reliever # 1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see,how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 4

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 5

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
_____________________________________________________

Reliever # 6

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 7

A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"

He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."
______________________________________________________

Reliever # 8

Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?"

Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"
_______________________________________________________

Reliever # 9

"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?"

Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."
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Reliever # 10

Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted!
Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?"

Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."